Red Lights

Today was one of those days.....I had to be at the airport early (those of you who know me, know I don't do mornings) and as it would be, it was one of those days where you have to be somewhere...and you hit EVERY red light possible. And it seems like those lights stayed red FOREVER. I eventually made it to the airport. Only to find the security line was out the door(apparently only one security gate was open), and it was one of those 'take one step forward, stand still for 10 minutes' situations. I wanted to scream. A lot. (Although the fact my flight was delayed made me able to relax a little bit). It was the staying still part when I knew I had stuff to do, places to go, people to see, bit that I found difficult.

It reminded me of something I'd heard from the youth pastor at church the night before. Life often presents us with red lights and stop signs. You feel like you're going nowhere. Just sitting, waiting for something exciting to happen. Or maybe you have a plan, but it's just not falling into place the way you want it right now. And you have to wait. Unable to do anything. Just like at a red light. The thing we have to remember is that (frustrating as they are) these red lights and stop signs on the road are provided for a purpose. They aren't there to try and make people late/annoyed (although sometimes I do wonder). They are, in the long run, there to help us. To prevent accidents. In the same way, this is exactly why God places stop signs and red lights in our lives. To prevent mistakes. It may seem to us like we are sitting there screaming at that light to change because nothing but frustration is going on inside. But the truth is, God is using that time to mould and change you inside so that you will be ready for what is coming next once that light turns green. There's no use skipping to the next thing if you aren't prepared. Otherwise things get messy. (E.g. I would love to just marry J.T tomorrow-sadly we have not finished organizing the wedding-by jumping that red light I would wind up with a disastrous wedding. Or how about the fact I just want to hurry up and move to America now. I could do that. I could jump the red light and just go when I feel like it. However, that decision could result in some rather messy visa issues, and probably me being banned from the USA for good. Lol.
My point being there is a reason  things happen at a certain time. And we all know everything works out perfectly in God's timing. It's just a case of being able to be still while we sit at that red light and wait for it to change. Just to be still and enjoy what God is doing inside.

I listened to the Avenue Q soundtrack today. And the song 'For Now' just highlighted everything I'd been thinking about all of this.
'Don't stress,
Relax,
Let life roll off your backs
Except for death and paying taxes,
Everything in life is only for now!'

Ok, so ignore the rather sombre 'except for death and paying taxes' line. And think about the 'Everything in life is only for now' I mean how true is that?  Maybe you're struggling with university and cannot wait to be done. Good news....it's not permanent. Or perhaps you just got a spur of the moment, terrible haircut. Good news....it's not permanent. Maybe you are stuck in a dead end job, and you have higher aspirations but you just can't afford/fit them in right now. Good news....it's not permanent.

We just need to remember that we are at this red light or stop sign for a reason. Something is being developed inside us. Our character is being strengthened. Think of all you have achieved so far in life-no matter how big or small these accomplishments may seem. I bet there was no way you could have achieved half of these things years back. Because you weren't ready to face them. God has a way of timing things perfectly so that everything falls into place. So that everything happens for a reason. And while we can't always see that straight away, or maybe for years. We just have to be patient and wait for the green light.

Remember, no light stays red forever!

Keep Smiling,

Cat x

Let it be.

Well I was feeling inspired so thought I would get writing :) - I'm no writer so bear with me and hopefully I'll make some sort of sense.

So for anyone reading this who doesn't know me all that well-I have come to find that one of my biggest weaknesses is my lack of patience and not being in control. For those of you that do know me, you will know that I am a very take control and organize everything and do it now kind of girl. (Just ask my besties who have to deal with me organizing our Christmas Eve meal in October every year lol)  I like to have everything under control. I need to schedule what I am doing each week and stick to it, if I am planning anything I will whip out the highlighters and fancy pens and create folders and word documents (just for fun), I had my group devos planned for camp by February last year-yes I am that girl.

For a long time I had my whole life planned out. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and when it was going to happen. I had my plan. Needless to say that plan has gone completely haywire. I mean, in my plan I never doubted my want to be a teacher. In my plan, I never saw me taking a year out of uni to go to Australia. In my plan there were no doubts or fears. And then suddenly, before I know it, my plan has disappeared and I'm left a 21 year old girl who really has NO clue what life holds anymore, where I'll be, or what I'll be doing. I spend a lot of time 'doing things'. Things that will make me feel like I've accomplished something in order to fill that 'I have no idea what I'm doing' void.
On top of that, when I make these current plans for what I'm doing (working at camp, planning travels, organising uni, planning a wedding) I require the help of other people to inform me about things so that I know what's going on and so I can keep everything organized by my standards. Reality check. Sometimes that doesn't always work out. You're waiting to hear back from a photographer, you want to know what camp position you'll have, you try and work out when you'll be free to go to do this and that, you want to know your results/where placement will be-(the list could go on) But at some point these questions that require answers go out with my control. There is nothing more you can do to speed up the process. You have done everything within your human ability for the situation and now it is no longer in your hands. For most people that is fine. They wait. For me, this is where the challenge begins. This is where I sit and twiddle my thumbs, check my emails 40000 times a day, dance up and down on the spot trying to take my mind of it. I am far too impatient. And while it is lovely that I am so keen and eager to be organized-it is a terrible quality to have at times.

My inspiration came yesterday. I was mopping. And listening to my ipod. I need no excuse as to why I have The Beatles on there, but I do. Anyways, the song 'Let it be' came on. I've heard this song a million times. It's a beautiful song with a wonderful melody. Yesterday however, for some reason or other the lyrics really stood out. Towards the end of the song the lyrics say

'Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be,
there will be an answer,  let it be!!!!'


I mean...geez, could it be anymore in my face? lol.  LET IT BE CAT!!! Just chill out, RELAX already and LET. IT. BE! 'There will be an answer'. I'm not going to go my whole life never knowing the outcome to these things. Whether that be what cake we will have at the wedding, to what career I will have. No, I don't have a clue if I'll teach or end up doing something completely different. But why am I getting so worked up about it? Why am I stressing not knowing what I'm going to do? When it comes to actually embarking upon that career (whatever it may be) THEN I will know. What does it matter if I know now or not? I'm not doing it now am I? No. So it really doesn't matter right now. As mentioned in my previous blog we are not even guaranteed tomorrow. God may not provide us with a perfectly ordered life, but what He does provide is Himself, His presence and countless opportunities and open doors.

Psalm 37:4-8 'Enjoy serving the Lord, and He will give you what you want. Depend on the Lord, trust Him and He will take care of you....Wait and trust the Lord.'


The key phrase I picked out there was 'enjoy serving the Lord'. We spend so much time worrying about what is going to happen next and what life holds for us, and what we can do to organize our future that sometimes we forget to sit back and enjoy whatever is it we are doing for God right now. Serving our God is supposed to be a joyful thing. Who cares what happens next right? (Easier said that done, I know) BUT just look at what God has provided so far. We might not know what He has planned for the next 3 years, or even the next 3 weeks.....But with God on our side, it can only be something great!


Keep Smiling,
Cat x

Sharing my heart

So the past 5 months have been 5 of the most exciting, yet difficult months of my life. For those of you that don't know, I am currently working over in Australia as a nanny. There are 6 children. In saying that the older boys (aged 15, and 13) are pretty independent and so I don't really nanny them at all. The kids I look after are Levi and Laken (twins aged 5), Jett (aged 3) and baby Judd (aged 2 months). They are wonderful, beautiful and extremely energetic children. One thing I've learnt though, is not matter how cute and funny small children are-caring for them full time can drain you until you have nothing left.

That's in normal circumstances. 

Now add in the fact that I am halfway across the world, completely alone. We also live on a farm 5 miles from the nearest village. So when I say I live in the middle of nowhere, I'm not exaggerating. Some days I have a wonderful time and can't stop smiling and being thankful for this experience. Other days, I spend the evenings in tears, feeling insanely alone and out of touch with the world. Sadly the latter seems to be more common. It sounds silly, because with regards to my friends, I have never felt so supported and I am truly touched by the number of people who have taken time to write a little letter, or card, or send a package. Those small acts of kindness have kept my heart alive.  Loneliness stems from what can be described as a 'social pain', which makes a lot of sense for me. I mean I've spent most my life surrounded by amazing people. So to have that taken away from me (in the sense that they are not physically there anymore) is very tough.

I'm also experiencing a lot of self doubt at the moment, with regards to every aspect of my life. I don't feel smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough, qualified enough, like a good enough friend, like a good enough fiancée. All in all I think it's safe to say I'm currently suffering from something yucky called 'low self esteem'.

BUT (there's always a but!)

While I have felt cut of from the world, empty and been missing out on spending time with loved ones. There is one figure I have been spending a lot of time with. And that would be our mighty God. 

JT reminded me of something last night. For anyone that has read 'The Shack', the main character (Mack) is told by his vision of God, that we or other people makes circumstances happen. God then takes these circumstances, turns them into something beautiful and uses them to do His will. I like this. And I think I can relate to this idea nicely.  I feel one thing which is undebatable, is the fact that God has used my time here to allow me to travel leaps and bounds in my walk with Him.  I thought I loved Him as much as I could before I came over here. How wrong I was. I now spend pretty much every night tucked up reading my bible before I go to sleep. When I was at home, it was always a case of 'I'll have a proper read tomorrow/I don't have time/I'll read more later'. Not anymore. I have never relied on God more than I have right now, and the changes I see in myself in terms of my faith are incredible. I guess the old saying 'The more you depend on God, the more dependable you find He is' is true.

Anyways, back to my situation. I guess my main point/the revelation that I've had is that no matter how hard things get/are, we just need to trust. And I mean truly trust! (Lamentations 3:21-25) We know that faith means trusting in advance. I've spend so much of my life stressing about things rather than praying and being content knowing God will take control. 

I stated earlier in this blog that I don't feel smart enough, qualified enough, strong enough. 

I'm not.

But God is!!!! 

Take each day as it comes. Pray each morning for strength for that day and the events to come. Focus on today with the strength God has given you for it and leave tomorrow in His hands. We're not even guaranteed a tomorrow. So why waste the time we do have worrying about it? 

I'll leave you now with a quote that I love.....

'Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands.'

Keep Smiling.

Cat x